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I do use those things, but slowly

November 30, 2013

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But I am just sad. I hate seeing him this way. I wish I could turn back time. I goose outlet canada certainly not ready for this. I just moved a half hour away from home (huge family, literally live on the same block) and I feel so guilty now.

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Canada Goose online To break my habit canada goose outlet woodbury of hoarding items, I took pictures and videos of items that I held for sentimental value. I took several photographs and them filmed the item while I held it canada goose outlet near me in my hands and talked about the memories of the item. Then threw the item away. I repeated this over and over again. I did this for all manner of things even ones I knew I would never throw away. Canada Goose online

Canada Goose sale I keep all the film. I have never once looked through or watched any of it, though there are a couple items I regret throwing away. I am at peace with it and if I really want to, I can go watch what I canada goose outlet uk said and look at it again. Canada Goose sale

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buy canada goose jacket cheap I do keep a few things canada goose outlet in new york that other people would consider garbage. The most common categories are things for crafts, and “possibly useful containers”. I have a designated space for these items, and I generally keep them for a year or so before realizing that I am not doing anything with them and tossing them. buy canada goose jacket cheap

canada goose coats I am a child of hoarders who doesn have a compulsion to hoard, but had to retrain myself to get out of the habit of hoarding. canada goose coats

Edit: I also save hardware that I have salvaged from things we take down or get rid of. I come by that habit honestly, as I have some of my great grandfather salvaged hardware in my coffee cans of nails and screws. I do use those things, but slowly.

canada goose black friday sale Like you with your bits of hardware, I use the craft things slowly, but generally they do get used. Where I run into trouble is when someone brings me materials that they are clearing out. Often there are a lot of things I can use at all, and yet it difficult for canada goose outlet 2015 me to get rid of canada goose parka outlet uk them. canada goose black friday sale

canada goose store A lot of the stuff I been clearing out of the studio falls into this category. things and materials I didn deliberately acquire. canada goose store

Canada Goose Outlet “Possibly useful containers” can be a hard one for me as well. I getting better about them. Two more left my house Tuesday, never to return. 🙂 Canada Goose Outlet

canada goose It weird how hard it is to break the patterns canada goose outlet mall we grew up with, isn it? I mean, I hate messy, cluttered spaces, but it difficult to discard something that “I might need/use later”. canada goose

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I went through a period where I couldn connect with, own, or enjoy the company of domestic animals (and animals are incredibly wonderful and important to me) because of the bad things that happened at home when I was canada goose outlet florida a child.

canada goose Nmom was cruel to our animals sometimes, and very neglectful. I don want to share details here, but it was terrible sometimes. canada goose

canada goose I adore the cats we have now, and they are very well cared for. canada goose

Canada Goose online As far as posessions. I still constantly fear losing everything we own. During my childhood canada goose coats uk Nmom used my belongings to hurt me, to the point where I kept “decoy” toys and other things that I pretended were my favourites. Canada Goose online

canada goose coats on sale Plus things were really unstable anyway, and a lot was lost, stolen, or damaged/destroyed. By the time I was 12 or canada goose outlet hong kong so, I figured anything I had could be taken away forever at any time, so I sort of shut down. I still liked some of my things, but since in my mind they were already destroyed, I liked them the way I liked canada goose vest outlet watching a butterfly. a brief enjoyment of a temporary thing. And I tried very hard to conceal any attachment I couldn avoid, to protect myself. canada goose coats on sale

Canada Goose online So now. I gone the other direction. I hold onto things I value too tightly, and worry that they will be stolen or that I have to give them up. I have trouble using things in case I can replace them later. Canada Goose online

canada goose black friday sale I still working on healing. Maybe eventually I get there. I have gotten better. canada goose black friday sale

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Canada Goose sale Yes, and it okay. This is exactly what happens in a traumatized brain, and is a key indicator of PTSD and CPTSD. Canada Goose sale

canadian goose jacket The reason for this is human neurology. When a human being is stuck in a situation of intense and unrelenting danger or threat, with no hope of safety, our brains wire up differently from the people who live in assured safety. Instead of data entering our brain through the senses, becoming categorized, and then, during certain sleep cycles, being safely stored in your long term memory, our brains do something different. Our experiences get stored in our short term memory and are wired through our canada goose outlet online store amygdala, where the command central for our emotions lies. This makes us great at surviving instinctively, which is important in an abusive environment. It makes us bad at remembering specific events long term, because the experience never gets filed back there. canadian goose jacket

canada goose store This is also how CPTSD happens: something happens to trigger your brain into realizing that something similar and dangerous happened already like this, and because it wired through the amygdala, we get stuck in a traumatic mental state, perhaps anger, fear, fawning, canada goose outlet trillium parka black defensiveness, etc. canada goose store

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